


This Isn't Control

by uhuraprime



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Minor Violence, Post-Star Trek: Into Darkness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-18
Updated: 2013-09-18
Packaged: 2017-12-26 22:34:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/971077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uhuraprime/pseuds/uhuraprime
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Carol just wants to escape the memory of her father.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Isn't Control

When Carol was a child her mother dreamed she’d be a surgeon. She'd hoped Carol would use those thin, dainty fingers to pluck at her patient’s innards like guitar strings. She'd hoped Carol would fall in love with medicine like she had. She'd hoped Carol would be smart enough to stay grounded. Smarter than her father (it was left unsaid, but Carol learned how to connect the dots when she was six).

Carol never had the stomach for that kind of thing.

She’d always preferred the touch of cool metal to that of warm flesh, realized by the time she was capable of detailed thought that she’d never be a surgeon.

“It’s in her blood, Alex," her mother would whisper, quiet thinking Carol couldn't hear her. “The Wallaces are a family of surgeons.”

Her father would just purse his lips and sneak a wink in Carol’s direction. “Well, lucky for all of us, our daughter is a Marcus, and Marcuses can be whatever they please.”

Carol used to look back on these memories fondly, remembering her father as her biggest advocate. In times of trouble she'd remember that Alexander Marcus was always there to help. Now these memories are clouded by the unforgettable sound of his skull cracking, her leg snapping. “ _I am ashamed to be your daughter,_ ” rings off-tune in her mind like a broken bell.

Carol feels the bile rise in her throat.

She never had the stomach for this kind of thing.

_I am ashamed to be your daughter._

She’s always preferred the touch of cool metal to that of warm flesh.

_Listen...wait_ , accompanied by the excruciating feeling of her bones breaking. Arguably the most immense physical pain she’s ever felt, and yet miniscule compared to the emotional baggage she now carries.

She saw her own father murdered before her eyes. She said her last words to him out of spite. She’ll never be able to say goodbye.

Unlike her colleagues Carol never dreamed of travelling in space. For years she was perfectly content keeping her feet on the ground, staying out of Starfleet’s way and doing as she pleased.

Now her father’s memory haunts every corner of the home she grew up in, follows her through her tiny flat and reminds her of the times he’d come to visit her with stories of unruly cadets and aliens gone wild. _I am ashamed to be your daughter_ , she’d said, and she’d meant it. Daddy's little girl.

At least on _The Enterprise_ his memory stays where it belongs, inside her head.

At least on _The Enterprise_ they don’t look at her like she’s the one who crushed his skull in, like she’s always been the kid they never wanted, like she murdered her own father and shamed his memory with her words.

It’s a better family than she’s ever had, she thinks as she empties her stomach into the nearest bin. And it's pathetic.

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea what this is ???????? I just wanted to write about Carol bye


End file.
